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| My love for this guy blinded me to my hatred for spiders |
Now usually, I'm the first one to declare war against spiders of any sort but for some reason, we became friends. (Possible reasons? He's out of my reach; My birth control pills are making me maternal; He's less maintenance than a hamster? Who knows. )
Anyway here's how we met.
I was laying in bed about to fall asleep when I notice movement against the wall near my bed.
Huh?
Huh?
I turn my head and there's a medium-sized furry brown spider at eye level with me.
I screamed bloody murder the second we made eye contact and then I tumbled off the bed.
The spider was obviously frightened by my screaming and he ran away, disappearing like a chameleon ninja in the crack between my bed and the wall.
I screamed bloody murder the second we made eye contact and then I tumbled off the bed.
The spider was obviously frightened by my screaming and he ran away, disappearing like a chameleon ninja in the crack between my bed and the wall.
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| This could have totally happened to me. |
I armed myself with an unpaid bill that I wrapped into a spider-smashing tube.
I'm bigger than him, I told myself as I approached the crack cautiously.
I peeked in and couldn't see a thing. I moved the bed a little with my foot then got scared that the movement would scare him out and I really didn't want him to come running out because I was barefoot and for some reason that made this whole thing scarier.
I didn't want to step on him by accident and get poisoned.
I peeked in and couldn't see a thing. I moved the bed a little with my foot then got scared that the movement would scare him out and I really didn't want him to come running out because I was barefoot and for some reason that made this whole thing scarier.
I didn't want to step on him by accident and get poisoned.
A tense and quiet moment passed when I tried to consider my options.
There's no way in hell I was going to crawl under the bed skirt to find him. What if he was fast and jumpy like a cricket spider? He might hop into my hair.
I shuddered thinking about how awful it would be to have a spider jump into my hair. I would have to touch him to get it out and he's all furry and he has ten eyes probably and what if I touched one?
I shuddered thinking about how awful it would be to have a spider jump into my hair. I would have to touch him to get it out and he's all furry and he has ten eyes probably and what if I touched one?
My cell phone rang and interrupted my thoughts.
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| The sheet cocoon can protect against bed wetting and accidental spider ingestion. |
It was my boyfriend. I picked up the phone and sat on the purple couch that's in my room.
"There's a spider in my room and I'm afraid to go to sleep because he's going to jump into my mouth when I'm sleeping and then I'll eat him and get poisoned," I said without a greeting.
He told me to kill him but I was too scared to go spider hunting. Also was tired and I wanted to go to bed.
I banged on the wall near where he had disappeared. Nothing happened.
Taking the safe route, I grabbed my pillow from the bed and decided to sleep on the couch in my room.
Taking the safe route, I grabbed my pillow from the bed and decided to sleep on the couch in my room.
As an additional precautionary measure, I stretched a sheet over my head just so that the spider couldn't end up in my mouth as I slept. I thought about Marv in Home Alone and that terrible spider that ended up on his face. "That could happen to me," I told myself.
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| This is probably what aliens look like. |
I woke up in the morning and searched the walls for signs of my spider. I noticed him hunched up in a small cottony corner in the highest spot of the wall above my bed.
Strangely, I felt relieved.
"You'd better stay up there," I told him.
I figured that if I could see him, I'd always know where he was... and I preferred him visible as opposed to lurking in the shadows under my bed.
A week or two passed with us living in happy harmony. I started sleeping on the bed again... I didn't use my sheet cocoon anymore either.
A cool thing started happening too, in my hatred for spiders, I had forgotten that they eat flies.
Well that was a great thing! I hate flies! And my spider was catching all the little fruit flies that wafted in from when I opened the windows.
I started saying "what up yo" to him whenever I entered my room.
Well that was a great thing! I hate flies! And my spider was catching all the little fruit flies that wafted in from when I opened the windows.
I started saying "what up yo" to him whenever I entered my room.
BUT THEN...
I woke up one morning with an itchy spot on my face.
What that hell?!
It felt like a mosquito bite but it was smaller.
I woke up one morning with an itchy spot on my face.
What that hell?!
It felt like a mosquito bite but it was smaller.
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| I'm excited to meet you too Mr. Hamster! |
"You bit me!" I yelled groggily into the corner but his nest was empty.
He was nowhere to be found and I figured he'd fled the scene of the crime.
Was I angry with him about the spider bite? Yes.
But then, a few days passed and he was still missing. His little web stood empty and a fly was bumping noisily into my window.
I missed him.
My boyfriend came over to visit me. We were in my room watching TV when I found myself glancing up into the corner. He noticed me looking up there.
"Look," I said pointing, "My spider's gone."
"I thought you hated him because he bit you," boyfriend answered.
"Yeah but I forgave him and now I miss him," I said looking at his empty web home.
"My next pet's going to be a hamster," I added.
"My next pet's going to be a hamster," I added.