We're walking down South Street Philly, randomly entering interesting-looking shops and putting greasy fingerprints on glass displays and talking too loud.
It's Jessica's birthday week, she's lingering behind in the pot paraphernalia shop with her MOTM (man of the moment people, duh).
"Mom, tell Jess we're going to the next store, right there," I point to a lingerie shop nearby.
We walk into this plushy lingerie-slash-sex shop.
"Did you get Jessica anything for her birthday yet?" Lisa asks.
"Not yet, did you?"
"No. Maybe we can get her something here," she says.
"Yeah," I say, absently picking up a pair of feathered bedroom pumps.
We part ways and explore the store.
I come to a rack stocked with funny bachelorette-party themed novelties.
There are penis shaped straws, paper bride-to-be crowns, candy packages with dirty names, dice games...
A baggie of balloons catches my attention and suddenly they're in my hands and there's this brilliant idea that explodes in my head and I'm paying $4.99 plus tax for them and running over to Lisa.
"Lisa, hurry up and help me blow up these balloons," I say, ripping open the bag. "We have to have them blown up before Jess gets in here." I pull out two balloons and toss her the bag. "They're her birthday balloons."
"What?" she says, looking at the package. Then a spark of relization comes over her face and she's fishing out a balloon and laughing. "It say's 'CAUTION: Choking Hazard' on the package oh my god!"
I have a blue one and I'm thinking of making blue balls jokes but nothing's coming.
Lisa is blowing up a pink one and we're probably causing a scene because we're still inside the shop really close to the door so we can peek through the glass and see Jess before she gets in here.
I'm blowing up my balloon.
"This is so hard," Lisa says, holding the half deflated (or half inflated) balloon.
I start laughing mid-blow and the air flubs out of my balloon.
"Keep blowing!"
We're filling up our balloons.
We see Jess and Motm approaching.
"Get ready, we're going to throw them at her and sing happy birthday."
She walks in.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"
We toss the balloons at her.
"We wanted to celebrate your birthday-"
"So we got you some balloons!"
"We wanted to surprise you!"
"Happy Birthday to you," and suddenly we're singing the song through fits of giggles.
She's looking at the penis-shaped balloons, then around the store at the onlookers.
"Why are they shaped funny?" she asks.