I am completely convinced that I'm going to get the swine flu...and I'm scared to death.
I'm not being overly paranoid either, but I am at a high risk for getting the flu, I believe.
Apparently, this flu is originating in Mexico, where about 2,000 people are currently believed to be infected, but there have only been like 150 cases that were confirmed.
Most of the people who were infected in the United States have less severe sickness, but had recently traveled to Mexico, or had contact with someone who had.
Risk Factor Number One:
I'm like, 25 percent Mexican. Not that I've been to Mexico in a long time, but there's got to be some kind of increased risk just for having that ethnicity, right?
Risk Factor Number Two:
My travel plans. I plan on traveling tomorrow.
We're going to Texas, flying out of Philly. Now, airports are dirty, germy places where every surface has been touched by thousands of people in a day. Every ticket-taker has taken plane tickets from thousands of grubby unwashed hands. I can't stop thinking about the airport as this virus-infested place with germs patiently waiting on every escalator railing and suitcase handle.
Dad thinks I should wear a mask. Jess says we can bathe ourselves in hand sanitizer (what's the point of just using it on your hands, right?)
Risk Factor Number 3:
Everything inside the plane is gross and also germ infected. There's all this recirculated stale air seeping through the cabin vents and running straight into my lungs. Scary. Plus, those travel magazines, someone with AIDS has probably licked them once. Also, those blankets, always smell suspiciously like baby poop. Only slightly, but it's enough to make me cringe.
Risk Factor Number 4:
I will be meeting my sister's boyfriend for the first time. I don't know a lot about him, other than that he works for the ICE, and I believe he has a lot of time with immigrants who were caught trying to cross the border illegally. I'm going to have to shake his hand. And he's going to have to deal with the fact that I just started wearing rubber surgical gloves...
Risk Factor Number 5: (last one I promise)
I am so paranoid that I might just convince myself that I have the flu. Some kind of mind-over-matter thing, who knows.
Basically I've just come to the conclusion that I'm going to get the swine flu.
So I guess, ugh, don't let me cough on you anytime soon....
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