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| Ack! Cuteness attack! I'm hit! |
I told my roommate that I was thinking about getting a pet. He promised not to kick me out if I got a hamster.
Then I told my boyfriend, because everyone knows that any happy hamster needs two parents.
"I want a hamster," I said.
"What's the matter with you?" boyfriend asks.
"Or a gerbil. Or a bird," I say. "But I really want a puppy."
"Do you?" he asks, staring at me pointedly.
"We should get a pet soon, or I'll start asking you for a baby," I say.
"I don't want a baby," he said quickly. "We can get a hamster."
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| "Why can't you just get a Zhu Zhu pet?" one of my friend's asked me. |
It was his turn to sigh. "You keep telling me that you want a hamster, but then when I say lets go get one, all the sudden you say you don't want one anymore."
"But they live too long," I said. Who wants to be a forty-year-old lady with a hamster, I was thinking. "I think gerbils only live for like 2 years."
"So get a gerbil then," he offers.
"I need to do some more research first." I say, unlocking my phone screen to use Google. I typed in hamster life spans
"I'm getting you a hamster," he says.
"No!" I said. "I can't have a hamster yet!"
Our conversation was over and I completely forgot about the hamster for a week or so.
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| I refuse to get any pets that eat these guys. |
And without even thinking, my mouth said, "I want to go to the pet store to look at hamsters."
Sometimes I surprise myself with my utterances.
But I do! I thought, I do want to go to the pet store to look at hamsters!
She's annoyed with me because she wants to go thrift store shopping. "You can't get a hamster now, then you'll have to take it home and I want to go shopping," she says.
"Yes, but I just want to look at them," I tell her. "I'm not ready to buy one yet."
She rolls her eyes at me, "Fine."
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| This little hamster was treating me like I was this asshole. |
She drives me to the pet store near my house and I'm jittering in the front seat like a five-year-old. "You're going to be soooooo jealous of my hamster!" I tell her.
We get to the pet store near my house and instantly we make a beeline for the cages. Jess gets excited near the lizard cages and I'm wrinkling my nose in disgust. "I love lizards," she says and I say "Gross."
I hate lizards because I know they eat bugs and also because my step brother had one and the feeder crickets would always somehow end up in my bed. No lizards for me thanks.
I check out the hamster slash small-rodent selection.
They're so cute! Anxious furry little bodies scramble around in clean glass cages. I stoop low to poke at the glass at the littlest one. He's white with a big brown spot and he's looking at me curiously. His little nose twitches and I'm in love. "Oh! I love you!" I tell him.
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| You lookin' at me?! I said you lookin' at ME?! |
I peek in his home and he's staring at me like I'm the mean giant from Jack and the Beanstalk.
"I won't hurt you little one," I tell him.
Jess saunters up to me, interrupting my efforts to get the hamster to like me.
She points at the giant parrot cage next to us, "You should get him! He's so cute!"
Before looking at the bird I look at the price tag.
"I've had some cars that weren't that expensive," I tell her. The bird is more than $500. I instantly remembered the purple hooptie I drove around in college. My passengers used to complain of sea-sickness after riding in it. It had purple velvet interior. I challenge any of you to find a car that has purple velvet interior.
The parrot is making low growling noises at me when I look at him and I'm scared.
I hissed at him. He didn't like my hissing and puffed up and tilted his head, staring me down hard with a shiny beaded parrot eye until I got really uneasy. He's a pirate parrot, I think. I ran my fingernail over the cage bars making a series of thumping noises and he got scared.
"I hate it here and I want to go home," I say to Jess.
"Ok but like twenty minutes ago you wanted a damn hamster," she says.
"I don't want one anymore," I said. "My baby hamster's scared of me and the parrot's a pirate."