These past few days I've been living off the grid.
Because I'm a serial electronic device killer.
Here's how it happened...
I left my iPhone on the ledge, boyfriend left the window open, then nature sent torrents of sideways rain. I blame me, but the point is that I awoke to my phone's alarm bleating out death cries at 7 a.m.
"Oh no!" I said, frowning as a steady stream of iPhone pee gushed out the bottom.
The phone was all dark and wacky and full of water. After a fit of sleepy lamentations and curses directed at myself for my stupidity, I turned to boyfriend and said, "OMG! Google how to rescue my wet iPhone!"
He sleepily pulls out his dry iPhone and does some research. "It's saying to put it in a bag of rice, or in a bag of silica packets?" As I'm watching him scroll down his iPhone I'm seething with envy because I totally wish it were HIS phone that got all wet. (Does that make me a terrible person? Maybe? Ok, I take it back.)
"Awesome," I say.
So I took the phone into the bathroom, frantically wrapped it up in Charmin and stuck it in the fridge next to my juice boxes.
Figured I'd try the rice baggie thing later when rice was available.
The thought of living completely without a phone panicked me at first for several reasons.
1.) How was anyone going to contact me?
I require a large amount of attention daily and without it I get all lonely feeling and depressed and so the first thought was, how can I live without my text messages and WORDS WITH FRIENDS?
2.) Also, how was I going to contact anyone with my phone book ruined in the waterlogged phone?
The only number I know off the top of my head is Mike's and talking to him makes me angry (you know it's true) so I was completely devastated and I couldn't even call my mom to tell her because her number IS IN THE BROKEN PHONE.
3.) How was I going to find my way in the world without my GoogleMaps GPS?
Me and Adj got lost on route 70 once in my hometown. I can't live without GPS. I don't know how anyone does.
4.) My most pressing concern was facing the terrifying prospect of living without Facebook and photo messaging. Facebook is hilarious for me mostly because of Shizz and LH and I am completely dependent upon it for entertainment during the slow periods of my day. I have lost all ability to entertain myself without it. WTF was I going to do on Wednesday when we were all planning to sent MK pics of toilets?
These were among my first thoughts.
But, now.. after spending a few days without the phone, I'm starting to like it.
I am living life completely off the grid!
Nobody knows what I'm doing or where I am and it's completely awesome. I feel all cool and mysterious and incognito...
Except that NOW I'm totally trackdownable because I'm back at work and accessible via email...
It was a fun run.
But I'm back on the grid.