Your 2 a.m. text messages are not romantic, charming or welcome.
Any of you.
I know that your alcohol-addled brain has somehow convinced you that you're the only one text messaging me at that ungodly hour, but you're not.
Which just makes you all look desperate and pathetic as men.
I never really understand what you're expecting, in terms of response to those kinds of texts, but whatever it is, you're not going to get it from me.
No I'm not flattered that you're thinking of me after a night of heavy drinking.
No I do not want the attention.
And whatever you're writing isn't going to move me in some kind of magical way.
It's obvious that you're using your intoxication as an excuse to message me things that you would never say sober --over the phone or in person.
And it makes you look cheap and dumb.
Here's what's prompting this rant:
Last night my phone's blaring, and I sleep check the messages thinking it's my alarm. Instead, I find myself squinting at a long paragraph of incomprehensible jibberish with the word 'flowers' buried in there.
Then a bink bink noise from the phone announcing another one.
At 2:29 a.m.
Where are you at 2:29 a.m.? Just getting home from the bar, drunk in your bed, texting in the dark with a ringing sound in your ears.
What am I doing? Sleeping because I have work at 6 a.m.
But that's not all.
The next morning, when I shoot a "Don't text me at two a.m. anus" text message to the repeat offender, I get back a "Put your phone on vibrate when you sleep then."
Sorry.
I forgot that I'm supposed to plan for the receiving of your inappropriate messages at 2 a.m.