A recent study referenced by the NJ Turnpike Authority found that the Garden State's worse drivers chill out on the Parkway between exits 80 and 100. Apparently, it's here that everyone plays bumper cars.
In response, the agency has come to the brilliant conclusion that to curb automobile accidents they'll change the speed limit and put up new guardrails (with a $1.2 million dollar price tag-- Yes. The price tag is made of gold, and it's diamond encrusted).
March 1, the speed limit in this area will go down by 1o mph all the way to a measily 55 miles per hour.
It's not the road engineer's fault for stacking three exit ramps on top of one another at Exit(s) 100, and it's not the fact that elderly (and severely dangerous) drivers are all over the road, and it's not the fact that the toll booths are poorly placed, but it's all because drivers are speeding and 65 mph is way too fast.
I for one, have some problems with their logic:
WE ALREADY HAVE A SPEED LIMIT THERE, LIKE DUH:
First, for whatever reason, the unstated speed limit is 80 mph. Ask anyone. If they really wanted people to slow down, all they have to do is enforce the existing 65 mph speed limit with real cops and not those ridiculous empty police cars that they park on the median for fun. We have plenty of bored (overpaid) state troopers ready and willing to harass motorists, so why not put them to work?
This idea is cheaper and would be more effective. Well cheaper for us anyway. I'm sure the state will be rollin' in ticket revenues after their speeder harvest. Oh, the State Police has announced that to accompany these changes, they will be actively targeting drivers in this area as soon as the new law is in effect. Meaning that troopers will be riding your car's ass in an attempt to make you follow the new speed limit.
COP-SPOTTING-BREAK-SLAMMERS:
Now, when motorists see police cars hiding in the bushes, most of them slam on their brakes to bring their speed down from 80 (the unstated and generally accepted current speed limit) to a more reasonable 70. This causes the people tailgating (oh come on, we all do it) to slam on their brakes.
Imagine how much harder this will be once you have to bring it down to 55. There will be more accidents.
GUARDRAILS, REALLY?
So, if you lose control of your car, the new $1.2 million guardrails will stretch out their soft fluffy grey arms and gently redirect your vehicle to the roadway, avoiding any possible collisions and preventing accidents.
Oh wait, that doesn't sound right.
But that's the only way I can think of that guardrails could possibly PREVENT accidents from happening. Oh but what do I know? These guardrails cost so much that maybe they will prevent accidents with their invisible force fields that keep vehicles safely aligned in their lanes as drivers fuss with their iPods, cell phones and cigarettes.
STATE TROOPERS DO IT...
Everyone who drives on the Parkway is familiar with the speeding state trooper cruiser.
Troopers bully you out of the left lane by coming up doing 95 mph then riding your car's ass till you move over. So when they learn to lead by example, I'll bring my speed limit down to a healthy 70 mph.