Brick township: The Safest and Nitpickiest city.
These are laws that are actually on the books in Brick township, NJ. If they seem constricting and nitpicky, they are. They're not as restricting as those of the Taliban and most aren't enforced, but it just goes to show you, that our officers can legally enforce any of these rules.
So be careful of feeding Canada geese on the beach after sunset, especially if you're under 18.
Chapter 98 ANIMALS:
14: Excepting litters of kittens or puppies, it's unlawful for any resident to have more than five pets, dogs and cats (so let's keep the animal-loving to a minimum people, the township says so).
37: No feeding Canada geese, even on your own property (So call the police if you see old people or small children, i.e. lawbreakers, feeding the geese at the pond).
Chapter 110 BEACH AND WATERFRONT AREAS:
2: No ballplaying or other rough athletics on the beach (and fun is forbidden!)
11: Nobody shall be permitted on the beach sand half-hour after sunset (you may however, stand upon the access ramp and stare at the ocean, should you desire to spend time upon the beach after dark, but why anyone would want to do such a thing is beyond us)
Chapter 150 CURFEW
2: (Because the state doesn't trust you to be a good parent) A juvenile is prohibited from being on any public street or in any public place between the hours of 10:00 p.m. and 6:00 a.m. except between the dates of October 30 and November 1. Between the dates of October 30 and November 1 a juvenile shall be prohibited from being on any public street or any public place between the hours of 8:00 p.m. and 6:00 a.m (the penalty for this one is up to $1,000 fine and up to 240 hours of community service, that's 30 eight-hour days).
Chapter 191 FIRE PREVENTION:
8D: No fires are permitted within the township, but small ceremonial fires are allowed with a permit ($10) and only if they do not exceed 2.5 inches wide and 2.5 inches high (That's less than the size of a tennis ball, so buy tiny marshmellows).
Chapter 211 GARAGE SALES
2: You must apply for a $5 permit (where the township asks you all sorts of nosey questions; 'What're you sellin?' 'How much will you make?') and it can't run for more than three days and you're not allowed to have more than four per year (so don't accumulate too much junk).
Chapter 219 HELMETS
1: No child under 14 years old can ride a bike without a helmet (The township cares very much about your child's safety, so much that your child must be protected from falling off of a bike that travels at outrageous speeds.... but second-hand smoke exposure is still fine, no laws about that yet THANK GOD).
Chapter 256 LASER POINTING DEVICES (yeah there's a whole chapter on this)
2A: Nobody will sell or provide a laser pointing device to a person under 18 years of age, unless they're using it for it's intended purpose, in an educational setting.
3: It's "unlawful for any person in the township of Brick to focus, point, or shine a laser beam directly or indirectly onto another person in such a manner as to harass, annoy or injure said person" (this is the safest city people, laser pointers are DANGEROUS, more dangerous than 85-year-old sun-blinded drivers).
Chapter 267 LITTERING
8: It's illegal to park your car on your lawn, of the home that you own, this includes gravelled or dirt driveways. (In Ewing, some jerk of a cop ticketed a tenent whose tires were over the pavement by less than a foot. )
10: (If you're driving down the parkway and a rock-bucket is spitting gravel on your car and dings your windshield, they are required by this law to fix it, so write down the plate number and file a complaint) Any person who's operating a vehicle from which any of its load is dropping, sifting or leaking, that has caused damage or obstruction of other travelers' vehicles, shall immediately pay the costs of repair.
Chapter 276: MASSAGE PARLORS
2: It's unlawful for any person to give a massage either for a fee or for free, without a license, which can be obtained by submitting an application ($500) for a license ($200). (So don't listen to Cosmo when they give you sensual massage tips, it's ILLEGAL in the safest city.)
Chapter 324 PEDDLING AND HAWKING
4: No door-to-door sales (girlscout cookie sellers, this means you!) unless a permit is obtained from the township ($10) and you'll be finger-printed, mug-shotted and asked nosey questions, which will be investigated (really?) before it's denied by the clerk.
5: But if you're religious, and you want to spread the word of Jesus at eight in the morning, that's acceptable, the permit fee is waived in this case. Brick is open-season for religious solicitation, Mormon's welcome. (They are issued an ID however, stating that they are registered with the township, if they come to you, ask for this, if they don't have one, they have to stop, so call the cops and spare your neighbors the annoyance).
23: The do-not-knock registry. The Township clerk has a list of houses that wish to be left alone, even in the case of registered solicitors, and it's updated January 15th of every year. You get a sticker (for a nominal fee) to place on your residence so those people leave you alone. (So get on it.)
Chapter 357 SEX OFFENDER RESIDENCY
1. Convicted sex offenders are not allowed to establish residency within 2,500 feet of any school, park, playground, day-care center, or bus-stop in Brick. (Which is why we don't have any sex offenders here, duh, they live in the Pine barrens with the Jersey Devil)
--The only problem with this law is that it's constitutionally unstable as per Jersey courts, it will be challenged, it will not stand up in court (it's already been tried in other towns) and township taxdollars are spent in the event of an expensive lawsuit. They should repeal it before a costly legal battle is started.
Chapter 375 SMOKING
1: Smoking prohibited on all school grounds, and this goes for everyone (teachers, don't set a bad example).
7: Smoking prohibited on public beaches.
** Note: It's illegal to sell cigarettes to minors but it's not illegal to smoke cigarettes if you're a minor.
Chapter 453 TREES (again, yes there is a whole chapter on this.)
1: Nobody shall remove, destroy or kill any tree without first applying for a permit ($5 per tree) from the "Shade tree commission of Brick".
These are laws that are actually on the books in Brick township, NJ. If they seem constricting and nitpicky, they are. They're not as restricting as those of the Taliban and most aren't enforced, but it just goes to show you, that our officers can legally enforce any of these rules.
So be careful of feeding Canada geese on the beach after sunset, especially if you're under 18.
Chapter 98 ANIMALS:
14: Excepting litters of kittens or puppies, it's unlawful for any resident to have more than five pets, dogs and cats (so let's keep the animal-loving to a minimum people, the township says so).
37: No feeding Canada geese, even on your own property (So call the police if you see old people or small children, i.e. lawbreakers, feeding the geese at the pond).
Chapter 110 BEACH AND WATERFRONT AREAS:
2: No ballplaying or other rough athletics on the beach (and fun is forbidden!)
11: Nobody shall be permitted on the beach sand half-hour after sunset (you may however, stand upon the access ramp and stare at the ocean, should you desire to spend time upon the beach after dark, but why anyone would want to do such a thing is beyond us)
Chapter 150 CURFEW
2: (Because the state doesn't trust you to be a good parent) A juvenile is prohibited from being on any public street or in any public place between the hours of 10:00 p.m. and 6:00 a.m. except between the dates of October 30 and November 1. Between the dates of October 30 and November 1 a juvenile shall be prohibited from being on any public street or any public place between the hours of 8:00 p.m. and 6:00 a.m (the penalty for this one is up to $1,000 fine and up to 240 hours of community service, that's 30 eight-hour days).
Chapter 191 FIRE PREVENTION:
8D: No fires are permitted within the township, but small ceremonial fires are allowed with a permit ($10) and only if they do not exceed 2.5 inches wide and 2.5 inches high (That's less than the size of a tennis ball, so buy tiny marshmellows).
Chapter 211 GARAGE SALES
2: You must apply for a $5 permit (where the township asks you all sorts of nosey questions; 'What're you sellin?' 'How much will you make?') and it can't run for more than three days and you're not allowed to have more than four per year (so don't accumulate too much junk).
Chapter 219 HELMETS
1: No child under 14 years old can ride a bike without a helmet (The township cares very much about your child's safety, so much that your child must be protected from falling off of a bike that travels at outrageous speeds.... but second-hand smoke exposure is still fine, no laws about that yet THANK GOD).
Chapter 256 LASER POINTING DEVICES (yeah there's a whole chapter on this)
2A: Nobody will sell or provide a laser pointing device to a person under 18 years of age, unless they're using it for it's intended purpose, in an educational setting.
3: It's "unlawful for any person in the township of Brick to focus, point, or shine a laser beam directly or indirectly onto another person in such a manner as to harass, annoy or injure said person" (this is the safest city people, laser pointers are DANGEROUS, more dangerous than 85-year-old sun-blinded drivers).
Chapter 267 LITTERING
8: It's illegal to park your car on your lawn, of the home that you own, this includes gravelled or dirt driveways. (In Ewing, some jerk of a cop ticketed a tenent whose tires were over the pavement by less than a foot. )
10: (If you're driving down the parkway and a rock-bucket is spitting gravel on your car and dings your windshield, they are required by this law to fix it, so write down the plate number and file a complaint) Any person who's operating a vehicle from which any of its load is dropping, sifting or leaking, that has caused damage or obstruction of other travelers' vehicles, shall immediately pay the costs of repair.
Chapter 276: MASSAGE PARLORS
2: It's unlawful for any person to give a massage either for a fee or for free, without a license, which can be obtained by submitting an application ($500) for a license ($200). (So don't listen to Cosmo when they give you sensual massage tips, it's ILLEGAL in the safest city.)
Chapter 324 PEDDLING AND HAWKING
4: No door-to-door sales (girlscout cookie sellers, this means you!) unless a permit is obtained from the township ($10) and you'll be finger-printed, mug-shotted and asked nosey questions, which will be investigated (really?) before it's denied by the clerk.
5: But if you're religious, and you want to spread the word of Jesus at eight in the morning, that's acceptable, the permit fee is waived in this case. Brick is open-season for religious solicitation, Mormon's welcome. (They are issued an ID however, stating that they are registered with the township, if they come to you, ask for this, if they don't have one, they have to stop, so call the cops and spare your neighbors the annoyance).
23: The do-not-knock registry. The Township clerk has a list of houses that wish to be left alone, even in the case of registered solicitors, and it's updated January 15th of every year. You get a sticker (for a nominal fee) to place on your residence so those people leave you alone. (So get on it.)
Chapter 357 SEX OFFENDER RESIDENCY
1. Convicted sex offenders are not allowed to establish residency within 2,500 feet of any school, park, playground, day-care center, or bus-stop in Brick. (Which is why we don't have any sex offenders here, duh, they live in the Pine barrens with the Jersey Devil)
--The only problem with this law is that it's constitutionally unstable as per Jersey courts, it will be challenged, it will not stand up in court (it's already been tried in other towns) and township taxdollars are spent in the event of an expensive lawsuit. They should repeal it before a costly legal battle is started.
Chapter 375 SMOKING
1: Smoking prohibited on all school grounds, and this goes for everyone (teachers, don't set a bad example).
7: Smoking prohibited on public beaches.
** Note: It's illegal to sell cigarettes to minors but it's not illegal to smoke cigarettes if you're a minor.
Chapter 453 TREES (again, yes there is a whole chapter on this.)
1: Nobody shall remove, destroy or kill any tree without first applying for a permit ($5 per tree) from the "Shade tree commission of Brick".