. The Test Panel

Losing the "Let's get a pet" battle with my my boyfriend who wants a hedgehog named Hedge Fund

2012-01-02T06:06:00.000-08:00

Yes they're adorable. I'm always the one who's begging for monkeys, puppies or other random animals as pets. But I'm always only half (or 0%) serious. Last night, I found myself on the opposite side of that as Steven was desperately trying to convince me that we should get a hedgehog. It started out as a joke about Sega that somehow quickly spiraled into something similar to the "let's get

Want to suffer incredibly long and annoying shipping times? Buy online from Kohls

2011-11-30T14:24:00.000-08:00

ARG! I'm grumpy, where's my duvet! Seriously. I believe that bad companies need to be held accountable for their actions, in this case, I'm calling out Kohls for it's abnormally long shipping times. They're stuck in the dark ages of online commerce. Here's my advice for Kohls: If you're selling stuff on the internet, get your act together and learn how to promptly fill orders. Here's what

No more shrieking! Deaf people need alarm clocks too don't they? I want whatever they're using.

2011-10-18T14:19:00.000-07:00

That's a funny sounding dinosaur... My sleeping self has perfected the art of completely ignoring my alarm clock. It's a constant struggle for me to wake up in time for my 5 a.m. morning shift but after more than five years of careful refinement... I've created a wake-up strategy that's halfway reliable. Baby steps. Here's my wake up strategy using my iPhone alarm: 1.) The phone is always

When lobsters cost $4.99 a pound (less than the price for American cheese) you buy lobsters for dinner

2011-08-01T08:14:00.000-07:00

Lobsters: We're bored in the fridge! When lobsters cost less per pound than American cheese, you pick up some lobsters for dinner. However, I've never had lobster before and so I'm feeling pretty nervous. But they're $4.99 a pound and so I can't not buy them, right? I call boyfriend on my way home from work. "Hey, I'm going to get lobsters," I say. He's at work now but he's coming over

Got off the train at the wrong stop... arrived at the ghetto, witnessed a domestic assault

2011-07-17T08:10:00.000-07:00

Our destination? Frankford Hall beer garden. Obviously you'd take the Frankford train stop to get here right? Right?! WRONG! "They're at Frankford Hall," I tell Steven. We're heading to this newer beer garden to meet some friends and we're taking the train so he's Google mapping it. Me, Steven and Bclarke board the Market-Frankford train. The minutes tick on by and I start to get anxious so I

Ran into some trouble trying to buy myself a hamster

2011-07-14T13:33:00.000-07:00

Ack! Cuteness attack! I'm hit! My desire to get a hamster came out of nowhere but all of the sudden one random day I felt like I couldn't live without one. I told my roommate that I was thinking about getting a pet. He promised not to kick me out if I got a hamster. Then I told my boyfriend, because everyone knows that any happy hamster needs two parents. "I want a hamster," I said. "What's

How do you say Happy Father's Day to the greatest Dad I know?

2011-06-19T17:11:00.000-07:00

My dad's awesomer than yours! I planted myself in front of a Hallmark card with a pen and set myself to work trying to formulate a way to thank my dad for all that he's done for me. A few minutes later, I realized that I had too much material to fit into a Hallmark card and that I could probably write a freaking book about it. I started off with a few thank you's: ---Thanks for being the

Do I send out invitations or just make a Facebook event?

2011-06-16T04:27:00.000-07:00

My handwriting is awesome! Boyfriend is grunting to indicate his annoyance and obviously I have to address it because I'm sitting right next to him and he knows that I can hear him. "What's the problem here?" "My hand hurts already," he says, shaking it to prove how uncomfortable he feels. "So does mine," I say. "You don't have to help me if you don't want to." We're in the kitchen filling

FYI: The McDonald's at Walmart is not a BYOB

2011-06-05T10:25:00.000-07:00

You're never too old for a Happy Meal. "Steven! We have to to Walmart right now!" I yelled, as I frantically searched for my keys. The pharmacy was closing in ten minutes and I had to get my medication before 6 p.m. or I would have to wait til Tuesday because it was a holiday weekend. Where the hell are my keys! "Did you call the pharmacy?" he asks me. "To say what?" I ask. "I don't know

I accidentally swallowed an apricot pit

2011-05-24T06:17:00.000-07:00

This is what my morning hair looks like. Every morning, I wake up (using 3 alarms) at the mid-part of the 4 a.m. hour, dress myself like a zombie, then grab a snack for breakfast and hit the road to be at work at 5 a.m. I'm half asleep until I get to my desk and usually I eat my morning snack in the car and the energy burst from the food wakes me up. This morning, I grab an apricot out of

My new pet... spider

2011-05-15T08:48:00.000-07:00

My love for this guy blinded me to my hatred for spiders I have this spider who chills in my room. He's become my new pet. Now usually, I'm the first one to declare war against spiders of any sort but for some reason, we became friends. (Possible reasons? He's out of my reach; My birth control pills are making me maternal; He's less maintenance than a hamster? Who knows. ) Anyway here's how

Road ragin' on Interstate 95

2011-05-15T05:33:00.000-07:00

This story was written by my guest blogger Steven. But I edited it yo! I'll throw cat poop at you! You damn dirty ape! I'm commuting to work on Interstate 95 North in the left lane when I notice this rude driver as he starts to move over into my lane, squishing himself between my bumper and the car in front of me. There's barely enough room for his car to fit.What the fuck? I'm thinking.

What's the matter Shazam? You're not cultured enough to recognize classical music?

2011-05-10T08:45:00.000-07:00

Boobs in a Disney flick?! I don't believe it... I met my boyfriend and his family for dinner in Marleton, which is way down Route 70 west, past NJ's fragrant farmlands and some road side fruit stands that reminded me of the kind of stuff you'd find along sunburned dusty Georgia roads. It gets really rural out there. After dinner him and I hop into our separate cars with him leading. We head

Misplaced confidence in the kitchen

2011-04-26T06:15:00.000-07:00

Chillax. I know exactly where I am... Sometimes my self confidence is a little misplaced. Most frequently, it happens when I find myself extolling the values of my infallible sense of direction as I end up on a highway headed to South Carolina when I'm just trying to get to the food store. Yesterday it happened in the kitchen when I was trying to make enchilada sauce. The thing is, I've

Killer Troll dolls and stuffed animal protectors...

2011-04-17T07:04:00.000-07:00

... and you thought she was just chillin' in the toy box I don't know if all kids believe that their toys come alive, but I know that at one time during my childhood, I secretly suspected it. Watching Toy Story 3 as an adult tickled my memory until it uncovered this story of how my sister and I spent many sleepless nights terrified of a toy because we were convinced it was going to come alive

It's not like I ran into your cop car on purpose!

2011-03-22T07:14:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I never thought of this before.... I notice a stack of paper coffee cups on the food table and take one with a lid and slyly dump my beer into it. I congratulate myself for my brilliance because now I can take the disguised beer with me when we go bike riding to the boardwalk bars. Some friends and I are watching the Seaside Heights St. Patrick's Day Parade from the sunny

I left boyfriend alone in the kitchen with a task and a knife

2011-03-06T07:43:00.000-08:00

"I mean, it's really your fault," he said "for leaving me alone in the kitchen." My boyfriend was coming over for dinner. Tonight I was going to make rosemary herbed pork chops with homemade apple sauce and sauteed spinach. I get out of the shower about the same time as he gets to the house and he's anxious to eat dinner and I'm wearing a towel so I tell him he has to wait for me to get

I fantasize about living inside the Metropolitan Museum of Art

2011-03-03T05:10:00.000-08:00

This could be me! (A scene from Night at the Museum, aka. best-movie-ever!!) When I was younger I used to fantasize that the mall would close and I'd be there alone with free reign of the joint. I figured I'd give myself a shopping spree, eat Auntie Anne's pretzels until I exploded and I'd spend 5 hours trying on shoes with no interruptions. Then I'd clear out by morning. Since then I've

Dear Better Business Bureau: PF Changs gave us lethal burps

2011-01-20T07:30:00.000-08:00

It started with these guys.... Boyfriend steps back about five feet, burps into his hand and his eyes get all teary. "Oh man that smells awful," I tell him. "I'm going to write to the Better Business Bureau to complain about the burps that PF Changs gave us," he says. Earlier, we'd met some friends at the P.F. Changs by the Freehold Mall. Our dinner was bangin' but somehow, the combination

Life Lesson, don't park on the roof of a garage the night before a snowstorm

2011-01-18T08:43:00.000-08:00

I'm going to tell you one of my secrets... the parking garage roof of the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City has a killer view. No fences! No railings! You can totally dangle! Super neato! I've got this crazy obsession with heights and being in high places, and killer views. The thing that makes it great is that there's no wire, or glass or plastic hindering the view, so you can climb up on the ledge

Bloody Marys can't be bad right? Because so many people order them?

2011-01-13T06:17:00.000-08:00

Don't be fooled, they're not good! "There's a reason why everyone orders bloody marys," I explain to my boyfriend as I wipe up egg with toast. "They have to be delicious, right? Otherwise people wouldn't order them." He rolls his eyes at me, "You hate bloody marys and you don't want one." "I never tried one before really," I said. He starts playing with his phone, ignoring me. It's New

Cracked a tooth like in those awful teeth breaking dreams

2011-01-10T10:37:00.000-08:00

Everyone has had that dream. AAAAAAAHHHHHH! This dream totally SUCKS! The one where you're going about your business and all of the sudden, your tooth is cracking out of your mouth. So you put your hands out to touch it and with a naked crunch, the others start to come out too. Embarrassed, horrified and scared, you cup them preciously in your hand, desperately seeking help or trying to put

Boxing Day Blizzard Part IV: Walked to work, got buried in blizzard news at APP

2011-01-09T11:00:00.000-08:00

Holy Moly! Welcome to New Jersey Did you miss the first parts of my series? Boxing Day Blizzard Park I: An early-morning accident Boxing Day Blizzard Part II: I did not make it home through the stormBoxing Day Blizzard Part III: NJ declares state of emergency, I spend a night at the Marriott In previous stories: My blizzard saga begins with a fender bender on the way to work at the Asbury

Boxing Day Blizzard Part III: NJ declares state of emergency, I spend a night at the Marriott

2011-01-06T17:45:00.000-08:00

Did you miss the first parts of my series? Boxing Day Blizzard Park I: An early-morning accident Boxing Day Blizzard Part II: I did not make it home through the storm In the previous stories: My blizzard saga beings with a fender bender on the way to work at the Asbury Park Press. The snowstorm starts and I find myself unable to get home. I book a room at a nearby hotel after getting stuck

Boxing Day Blizzard Part II: I did not make it home through the storm

2011-01-03T05:40:00.000-08:00

Miss the first part of this series? See it here: Boxing Day Blizzard Part I: It begins with an early-morning accident Dec. 26: The blizzard starts. Part II begins here: I did not make it home through the storm The first 3 hours of my news producing shift are always the busiest for me. Sunday I was late because of my car accident, and so it was around 7ish when I fired up my computer and

Boxing Day Blizzard Part I: An early-morning accident

2011-01-02T06:05:00.000-08:00

Who backs up on a Parkway entrance ramp?! AND WITHOUT LOOKING?! It started with a car accident. It's about 5:30 a.m. and I'm heading toward the newsroom for work. I come to the Parkway entrance ramp and am stopped at a light. A rookie-looking officer is doing a poor job of blocking the entrance ramp as a tow truck hauls away a vehicle that had somehow become lodged in a tree. At this point,

Dated, faded but a good buy for sure...

2010-12-11T08:57:00.000-08:00

Crestview Terrace home. It's got curb appeal! I usually don't like homes unless they're at least more than 100 years old but I visited this house recently and was impressed with it's hidden value. I would totally buy this house, I was thinking. It's solidly build, well-cared for and it sits on an oversized lot at the end of a cul-de-sac. It's listed for $259,900. VIEW THE LISTING The

If it falls in the toilet... do you pick it up?

2010-11-29T10:46:00.000-08:00

Super gross! My boyfriend bought me these awesome handmade earrings with buttons in them. I love them. We were at an art gallery looking for presents for my sister when I saw them and made a huge fuss over them. Then I forgot all about it until a month later when he gave them to me. I was thrilled and they were instant favorites. Which is why it was worth it to me to dive into a

I'm completely obsessed with a blanket

2010-11-17T08:54:00.000-08:00

"I got you a present," boyfriend said, pulling out a bulky bag. I tear it open and it's a dark red smushy knit blanket. "This is the softest blanket ever!" I told him, wrapping myself up in it. Seriously, this thing is so soft that it was knitted by grandma angels using baby kitten belly fur and sunshine. I was instantly obsessed with this blanket. This wasn't the blanket. But it was like

It's Matt Costa... playing his new album, in a church basement, in November

2010-11-12T09:56:00.000-08:00

Matt Costa, a man of many instruments. I am a huge Matt Costa fan. I saw him perform once at a Jack Johnson concert in 2005 and ever since, I was hooked. I like him because he's a romantic poet, a writer who discovered a guitar and married the two to produce music that's truly artistic. His new album is different from his priors, it has a groovy 60s feel with interesting instruments,

Off-season prices at the Philly Zoo!

2010-11-07T08:39:00.000-08:00

The elephant at the Philadelphia zoo touched my hand a few years ago with his trunk and ever since, zoo has been my favorite place. I talk about my elephant experience with anyone who'll listen to me. Luckily my boyfriend lives in Philly now, so a zoo trip was inevitable. Off-season started Nov. 1st which means lower ticket prices, no crowds and more active animals (the lions are laaaaaaaazy

A new sweater-like look for my blog

2010-11-07T08:10:00.000-08:00

I admit that this makeover was totally overdue, I just never had the inclination to change my design because I believe that content trumps display any time. Not that my content is brilliant or anything, but whatever. I picked this style because it's less cluttery, it's easier to read and it's argyle. I love argyle. It reminds me of boy socks and for whatever reason every time I see anyone wearing

I was attacked by a house centipede and boyfriend rescued me

2010-10-17T10:30:00.000-07:00

I’m sitting on boyfriend’s orange couch when a soft scuffling noise nearby attracted my attention. That’s when I noticed the most horrific, terrifying creature I’ve ever seen moving toward us faster than a speeding bullet. “HOLY SHIT!” I was up in an instant, flailing my arms and screeching as I retreated to the front door, never taking my eyes off the creature lest he crawl up my leg and bite me

Cellphoneless and livin' off the grid!

2010-10-02T14:51:00.000-07:00

These past few days I've been living off the grid. Because I'm a serial electronic device killer.Here's how it happened...I left my iPhone on the ledge, boyfriend left the window open, then nature sent torrents of sideways rain. I blame me, but the point is that I awoke to my phone's alarm bleating out death cries at 7 a.m."Oh no!" I said, frowning as a steady stream of iPhone pee gushed out the

Did somebody really steal my flips?

2010-09-29T08:09:00.000-07:00

Every time my feet hit the sand, I instantly flip off my shoes and throw them next to the beach entrance. And every time, anyone who's with me says, "Don't leave them there, someone's going to steal them." And every time, I laugh it off and say, "Who'd steal my dirty flips?"Well, after years of living and playing on the beach, some one finally stole my old ratty flips. Touchee flip flop

Oh that?! It's just a symptom of my A.D.D.

2010-09-06T08:10:00.000-07:00

I have this really bad habit of blaming all of my bad habits on my Attention Deficit Disorder.Most of my bad habits have roots in ADD which I found out as my former therapist went down the list confirming my symptoms as I nodded my head in agreement to each and every one thinking "NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE!"But instead of working to fix myself, I feel like I've just completely surrendered to my bad

Why I roll around in the sand

2010-07-14T19:49:00.000-07:00

We're sitting on the beach and I plop down on the sand and lay back. "Lee you're getting all sandy!" friend says. "Sit down on the blanket."I spread my arms and legs and make snow angels in the sand. "Oh my god," she says. "What is the matter with you.""I love being all sandy." I tell her.And with this simple statement my mind is drawn away where it settles upon a powerful memory... ...Where I'm

Soul mate home

2010-05-21T15:09:00.000-07:00

I am a real estate agent. I have been into hundreds of homes. Foreclosed homes with torn out fixtures, broken windows and missing appliances. Modern homes, empty and echo-ish with cold polished metal appliances and furniture that costs more than my car. I've been in apartments, cozy and neat. Every house has a feeling, and you can tell when a home was loved, there's an energy that just beams

A trip to the puppy store-

2010-04-30T06:41:00.001-07:00

My friend texts me in the a.m. "Let's go pet puppies today!""Yes! We can invite one of our sad friends!" I text back, because petting puppies makes people happy, I think.We grab Jess and head to the puppy store. LH immediately falls in love with a sweet Lady and the Tramp cocker spaniel with doey eyes. I fall head over heels for a soup-can-sized Chihuahua who would scratch the glass like a maniac

Holy crap I've been busy!

2010-04-12T17:46:00.000-07:00

I've been so insanely busy lately that when I go through the recent call log of my phone it's one long list of real estate clients, mortgage agents, realtors, lawyers, my broker and my number one adversary-- BANK OF AMERICA!I really miss my friends, my eyebrows look like the one-eyebrowed baby from the Simpsons, and I find myself frequently fantasizing about buying a helper monkey who can wash

I love the Langosta Lounge in Asbury Park.

2010-02-18T15:05:00.000-08:00

I love the Langosta Lounge in Asbury Park and I seriously think about it all the time. I browse their menu online and then I get all hungry and text my sister about how starving I am. Well yesterday, I"m checking out their menu online and I notice that Wednesdays are Mexican night and margaritas are $5 and that they'll be featuring Mexican dishes. So right away I text my prospective dinner date

Faxing?! People still do that? An email to my student loan co...

2010-02-18T14:42:00.001-08:00

*** This email was forwarded to me from a friend who allowed me to repost it here. He's trying to contact his student loan co., gets mad at the prospect of faxing and fires off an email to corporate.***---------------------------------------This email is to express my extreme dissatisfaction with the process for making a request to be removed from the modified graduate payment plan that I had to

Ain't nothin' wrong with a single chick on V-Day

2010-02-13T07:29:00.000-08:00

I've never had a boyfriend who didn't feel like a 50 pound backpack. A backpack that whines and needs things from me and that wants to know where I am and why I haven't called. And I like to disappear sometimes for like a week at a time sans backpack... and that was always a predominant problem in my relationships. I get stressed out just thinking about putting that backpack on again. For the

Ugh. My messy Nissan

2010-01-21T15:08:00.001-08:00

My car begs me to clean it. The hazy fog that glazes over my window when it needs to be defrosted brings out a secret message that my sister wrote with her finger months ago, it says "Windex me."Everytime I think about cleaning it, I tell myself, "You don't have time to do this today, you're getting a new car soon anyway and it's pretty much freezing outside-- and remember that time it stranded

Hangover days...

2010-01-20T16:22:00.000-08:00

As soon as I wake up my head starts thrumming out beats to the ear-piercing shrill of my cell phone alarm at 5:20 a.m. on Saturday. Apparently I'm hungover. I didn't think I drank that much. And I've only been asleep for like an hour. And I had a WaWa chicken waldorf salad sandwich after the ride home. And ohmygod do I have work today? If I do, then I'm already dressed I guess. I wiggle my feet

WTF?! I found a gray hair...

2009-11-30T13:03:00.000-08:00

... and it's attached to my head. I'm driving, I pull down my mirror to smile at myself and this little one-inch long gray hair waves hello. "OH MY GOD NO WAY!!" I snap the mirror back up. I'm not even that old. I'm 26, I think.Maybe it's paint. I haven't painted in a long time.Maybe it's bleach. I slathered bleach all over the bathroom yesterday and maybe one drop backsplashed onto that one hair

Funny shaped balloons.

2009-11-14T20:21:00.000-08:00

We're walking down South Street Philly, randomly entering interesting-looking shops and putting greasy fingerprints on glass displays and talking too loud. It's Jessica's birthday week, she's lingering behind in the pot paraphernalia shop with her MOTM (man of the moment people, duh). "Mom, tell Jess we're going to the next store, right there," I point to a lingerie shop nearby.We walk into this

Hey Volvo! You're still makin' cars?

2009-11-11T15:39:00.000-08:00

SO apparently Volvo is still making cars, and I know this because I saw their new commercial. And what a commercial-- they tried to capitalize on New Moon popularity by noticing that a Volvo was mentioned in the Twilight books-- so they made a confusing, lazy car-commercial-slash-movie trailer that is lame-o. I sent them an email (Yeah I'm one of those people):Dear Volvo, Your New Moon

Your 2 a.m. text messages are not romantic

2009-10-11T06:30:00.000-07:00

Your 2 a.m. text messages are not romantic, charming or welcome.Any of you. I know that your alcohol-addled brain has somehow convinced you that you're the only one text messaging me at that ungodly hour, but you're not. Which just makes you all look desperate and pathetic as men. I never really understand what you're expecting, in terms of response to those kinds of texts, but whatever it is,

"We pay $100,000 for anal."

2009-10-02T23:44:00.000-07:00

So last night I'm at 507 Main in Belmar. Mid-conversation with a pool guy--"So, I have this house, and everyone who comes in to look at it asks, 'Can we put a pool in' and there's an 8- foot retaining wall, not much of a yard. Can they do it?" I ask the pool store owner that I've just discovered. He starts to answer-- but a random bar Creep-o sneaks in with an "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I have

The stars were aligned on 9/9/09 and we went for a ride to AC at 9:09

2009-09-09T23:00:00.000-07:00

The waiter tossed two fortune cookies on top of the checkbook laid on the bar. Jess picks up the bill and I go straight for the cookie. I think about asking him for another one, but I just wanted the fortune and not the cookie and while I was thinking about a non-weird way to explain that to him, Jess cut in with- "Ok it's 8:52. That means we have 17 minutes to get to a slot machine.""Got it," I

A life lesson learned in pottery class: The "musical" pot

2009-08-16T20:12:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the most memorable life lessons are learned in the randomest of places. This is one I picked up in pottery class about how sometimes perfection is overrated.My newest ceramic creation is sitting on the dusty top of my studio desk. My pottery teacher is standing next to me with her arms folded and we're both scrutinizing the jug that we'd just unloaded from the kiln. It's slightly

Forget my sweet and sour sauce and I turn into a raving lunatic

2009-08-16T08:19:00.000-07:00

I'm not usually an angry person, but when your only job is to put my fast food items in a bag, don't forget my sweet and sour sauce or we're going to have a problem.It's about eleven p.m., and there are three of us in the car about to embark upon a night of heavy binge drinking in Seaside to celebrate LH's birthday. But Jess needs to eat first and I am obsessed with McDonalds and we are about to

One phone charger for all cell phones? It sounds too good to be true...

2009-06-29T10:45:00.000-07:00

Recently, the European Union and cell phone makers announced that they're aiming to standardize the phone charger, to cut down on manufacturing costs and on the electronic waste that's created when people toss their old ones. READ THE ARTICLE HERE If you're like me, you break approximately four cell phones a year (Blackberry Curve may you rest in peace). Which requires two new phone chargers for

Sleeping with strangers...

2009-06-04T12:33:00.000-07:00

I'm laying in one of my new boyfriend's beds, it's hot, muggy and my left nostril is so tightly packed full of mucous that feels like it goes all the way up to my eyeball. "Something in your house is making me allergic," I said, throwing off the covers and sitting straight up. It's 4 a.m."I'll burn everything," he says, eyes closed, flat on his back. "Do you have any pets?" I demand, poking him

I was summoned for jury duty...

2009-05-27T17:12:00.000-07:00

I was on the phone with my father, one second away from launching the "Can I borrow forty dollars?" question, when he beat me to the question punch with, "Guess who got summoned for jury duty?" I'm driving, on my cell phone, trying to light a cigarette... "Again? Didn't you just get summoned for jury duty last wee--"He cuts me off, "It wasn't meeeeee," he said, laughing. "No!"And that's how I

Positive cocaine test prompts Red Bull ban in Germany

2009-05-25T11:54:00.001-07:00

TITLE: Positive cocaine test prompts Red Bull ban in GermanyImmediately following a cocaine test, Red Bull Cola was ordered to be pulled off the shelves by German food regulators, according to numerous articles that hit the Web today. After reading this, it was like everything in my life made perfect sense. Now there are only three things I know about cocaine… 1.) That it’s addictive 2.) That

You don't see many tornadoes in New Jersey...

2009-05-08T09:35:00.000-07:00

You don't see many tornadoes in New Jersey... ... but you do in Texas. When I was about four, we lived in a trailer park in San Antonio Texas (we were poor). I have this one distinct memory of my first tornado. My cousins and I were playing outside on our plastic big wheels, not caring about the winds that were picking up and the heavy storm clouds building darkly above our heads. My mom comes

I am completely convinced that I'm going to get the swine flu..

2009-04-28T13:08:00.000-07:00

I am completely convinced that I'm going to get the swine flu...and I'm scared to death. I'm not being overly paranoid either, but I am at a high risk for getting the flu, I believe. Apparently, this flu is originating in Mexico, where about 2,000 people are currently believed to be infected, but there have only been like 150 cases that were confirmed. Most of the people who were infected in the

So two jets fly low over Manhattan, people panic, and government officials are surprised?

2009-04-27T17:58:00.000-07:00

So two jets fly low over Manhattan, people panic, and government officials are surprised?The Associated Press has reported that today, panic-stricken New Yorkers fled the buildings en mass after spotting a jumbo jet and a fighter jet flying low over the Manhattan skyline. It was just a photo op, but to the memory-stained minds of the city's people, it was cause for panic. The scenario was all too

What did you want to be when you grew up? How I became an online news producer...

2009-04-04T22:32:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when you're thinking about the next step in your life, you find yourself looking back to see how you've gotten to where you are now. Here's how I became an online news producer, when five years ago I was dead set on being a starving artist. My father had some good advice for me when I was flipping and flopping my college majors trying to figure out what exactly I wanted to be when I

Ok so, the other day I made chicken soup, and it made me miss being a kid.

2009-03-13T10:35:00.000-07:00

For the first time in my life, I made chicken soup. Real chicken soup, like not from a can... ... And it reminded me of making mud pies when I was little. My grandpa's house in Wall Twp. had fruit trees all over. A pear tree on the corner near the driveway, a giant mullberry tree that dropped little clothes-staining bombs on our playclothes. There was a blueberry bush that we plucked berries

BOOK REVIEW: Marilyn Manson's the Long Hard Road out of Hell....

2009-02-21T09:31:00.000-08:00

BOOK REVIEW: Marilyn Manson's the Long Hard Road out of Hell....This book was fascinating. But I was scared to read it at first. I saw it lying on Cory's floor, picked it up and started flipping through the glossy photo pages. It started out with normal looking photos of a young boy, that led to terrifying bloodied photos of a man with a painted white face, black lips, scars, and two different

The Valentine's Day gift giver's worse nightmare... me.

2009-02-11T08:45:00.000-08:00

I am the Valentine's Day gift giver's worse nightmare. Because I hate everything...And product marketers are so good at making men think they need to buy all the stuff I don't like, that every year my boyfriend is out $100 and I'm overloaded with all the cellophane wrapped crap I hate. Let's talk jewelry. I'm too irresponsible to wear it. I can't even keep track of my wallet half the time and

You can't legislate common sense, but damn it, New Jersey lawmakers will try...

2009-01-29T17:08:00.000-08:00

It's morning, you've just pounded your shrieking alarm into silence. You pop open your bleary eyes, look out the window and there's like four solid inches of gleaming snow covering the ground... and your car. Ugh. If you're like me, there's nothing worse than trudging through the snow in your "business casual" attire, and spending five teeth-chattering minutes knocking all the snow off your car.

Adventures from Costa Rica: Playing Tarzan on the Canopy Tour through the jungle...

2009-01-18T10:08:00.000-08:00

. I am completely and utterly afraid of heights... so much so that I caught vertigo when I climbed up the spiral stairs at the hotel in Jaco and had to sit down... So I have no idea why I was desperate to go on the Canopy tour in Costa Rica... the longest and fasted zip-line tour they could offer us in the jungle. But I'm glad I went. It was thrilling... there's nothing like playing Tarzan in

FDA warns Coca Cola for misleading claims made on Diet Coke cans...

2008-12-30T09:50:00.000-08:00

The FDA recently served Coca Cola with a warning letter, because of vitamin claims printed on Diet Coke product containers. (You know you want to read the letter... )The FDA warned the company that the claims were in violation of federal laws governing the use of the term "plus" and of course, that the vitamin levels present in the soda were not adequate to sustain the claims either. The FDA

Macy's your deceptive advertising practices are not fooling anybody....

2008-12-23T10:20:00.001-08:00

Macy's, you are not fooling anybody with the one-day-only sales ads you run in our newspaper... Why? Because you run them EVERY day. There is no such thing as a one-day-only sale that runs every single day... duh.I guess you're hoping that nobody will notice. But I did and it annoys me. How dumb do you think the average consumer is? I'm willing to admit that I fell for your $10 off coupon... I

I can't believe I colored the whole thing... especially when it rings up at $247.99

2008-12-22T10:40:00.000-08:00

This dour economy has me reevaluating the way I spend my money. Anything that's not food, water, or Red Bull has to be assessed and either accepted or denied. Which made me question if I could still afford my crazy hair dying salon trips. They're quite expensive. When I go the cheap route and leave my mid-blonde un-touched up, it costs me a healthy $247.99. Because I always tip 20 percent,

What's that smell? It's Burger King's newest fragrance, bigger, meatier and with a whiff of pickle....

2008-12-21T06:45:00.000-08:00

And why not? Everybody loves burgers, right? Last week, Burger King announced that they've released a new cologne, FLAME, for men as part of a new advertising campaign. They're saying it's the "scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat." The stuff smells like burger, tastes like burger and rings up at an affordable $3.99. And it's selling out.And why wouldn't it? Everybody loves the

This just seems unprofessional: Iraqi reporter throws shoes at President Bush

2008-12-15T11:31:00.000-08:00

One Iraqi journalist set out to prove that the shoe was mightier than the pen... by throwing two at President Bush at a press conference in Baghdad. Media reports are saying that the gesture is one of the worst insults in Iraqi culture. Which strikes me as odd. Austin powers would say, "Who throws a shoe? Honestly." But apparently to do so is an insult in Muslim culture. I'm not familiar enough

Shhh.. I'm shopping online.... at work

2008-12-08T22:43:00.000-08:00

I love Best Buy.But not the store because I feel like a paranoid schizophrenic when those irksome employees follow me around, desperately trying to make eye contact so they can ask if I need help. (They're everywhere, trying to get me, with their shifty eyes and tan pants. )So, I guess I actually love BestBuy.comIt's cleaner than the store, bigger, and there's never a line or stalking employees

Automakers come beggin' for cash... sorry, your application was denied.

2008-12-02T16:42:00.000-08:00

I remember a time, not too long ago, when I was denied an auto loan. Why? Well duh, I had bad credit, no steady source of income, and an address no more permanent than my hair color...It's a good thing I didn't get that loan. I was 18 and I needed some tough love. I got it.But the tables have turned, and now the (American) automakers want a taxpayer loan. Why? They're short on cash, they don't

It's official, we're in a recession...

2008-12-02T16:10:00.000-08:00

Like there's anyone left who didn't know. But just in case you didn't, now it's official. But I didn't notice that the price of EVERYTHING has gone up. I didn't notice the countrywide housing crisis, the skyrocketing taxes, the rising unemployment, the "FOR SALE" signs popping up all over my neighborhood. Did the stock market take a nosedive? No way, I hadn't heard. Seems like now would be a

Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas, I still can't figure out what the big deal is...

2008-11-30T10:22:00.000-08:00

Somewhere around 2005-ish, retailers started pressing their employees to be more politically correct by asking them to offer customers "Happy Holidays" instead of a "Merry Christmas." That of course, ignited a firestorm of public criticism from every conceivable direction. As this year's gift-buying season rapidly approaches, the same stale discourse presents itself this Christmas, I mean

Shopping on Black Friday....

2008-11-29T14:55:00.000-08:00

... was totally awesome. I clipped like crazy amounts of coupons, stuffed them in my pockets, dressed in jammies, woke up at 7 a.m. and headed off to Circuit City, where I got a front-row parking spot and saved like $200 bucks. No lie. The line wasn't even long. No sarcasm here this time, really, I promise. I was expecting lines, rude people, traffic, jostling and shopping rage, but there

Digital Halloween costumes...

2008-10-30T07:49:00.000-07:00

Cory wouldn't agree to do couple's costumes with me, so I cut of his headshot and made him a digital secret agent for Halloween. Then I made myself a digital ninja and karate-chopped him into cyber-space. Who needs counseling when there's PhotoShop? Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Defend your US citizenship

2008-10-28T10:17:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have no sympathy for the struggles of illegal aliens, I challenge you to defend your U.S. Citizenship by answering a few questions about your country. No big deal right? Defending your hard-earned citizenship, shouldn't be hard especially when you've done so much to earn it. Well, it's not exactly hard-earned because what did you do to get it? Oh that's right, you were born

Now this is how to write an angry letter ...

2008-10-21T05:49:00.000-07:00

A letter of complaint to the Director of Hospitality at New York, New York Hotel in Las Vegas: